i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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