this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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