He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
