We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
