Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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