Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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