All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
