Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
