summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
