I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
