Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
