Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
