i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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