I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize