My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
