see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
