Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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