I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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