My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
