Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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