I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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