I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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