i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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