I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The uberlube is also flammable
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
