I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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