WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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