do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
