my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
