I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
