how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize