Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
