Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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