I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
