Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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