1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
