I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
