Can i not drive my cunt home
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
