wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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