i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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