I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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