I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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