Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
