he thought i was a dude.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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