2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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