just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
