Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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