you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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