shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
