She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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