so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
