I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
