Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They took my balls.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
