sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
