If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
