um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
