He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize