his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
