I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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