just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
