just come out here and I will go home with you...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
