Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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