youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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