Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
