do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
