he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
