Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

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  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (132) Good night (8804) Bad night (24370)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I won the penis lottery.

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  (310): I think I won the penis lottery. http://tfl.nu/0aks
  Replies (33) Good night (5710) Bad night (706)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just took my morning after pill in the library

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  (859): Just took my morning after pill in the library http://tfl.nu/18qw
  Replies (29) Good night (1596) Bad night (4259)
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  (530): View more from California

  If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...

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  (530): If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good... http://tfl.nu/ucmp
  Replies (14) Good night (2240) Bad night (3123)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.

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  (207): He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time. http://tfl.nu/24re
  Replies (10) Good night (3069) Bad night (982)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~

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  (651): Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~ http://tfl.nu/6n7p
  Replies (5) Good night (2361) Bad night (697)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.

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  (407): the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much. http://tfl.nu/a71i
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (1262)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.

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  (304): I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing. http://tfl.nu/fjwm
  Replies (5) Good night (488) Bad night (1138)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just fucking run.

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  (304): i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape? (301): just fucking run. http://tfl.nu/0wzu
  Replies (5) Good night (3123) Bad night (674)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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  (202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn
  Replies (2) Good night (2357) Bad night (672)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.

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  (540): We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment. http://tfl.nu/ze3a
  Replies (3) Good night (1693) Bad night (471)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.

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  (231): I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/j7wr
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (444)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow

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  (618): My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow http://tfl.nu/gob3
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (564)
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  (760): View more from California

  Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?

  (760): View more from California

  The other one.

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  (760): Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée? (760): The other one. http://tfl.nu/3ull
  Replies (4) Good night (361) Bad night (588)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.

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  (775): And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward. http://tfl.nu/jda5
  Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (498)

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