Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years