dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
