I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO