i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes