YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND