I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs