Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
