So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
